Having thought at length about what it means to truly be a cloistered nun, I've decided to share some thoughts. In my own life the more I pray and think about my vocation, the more I become certain that the essence of a contemplative vocation is the primacy and exclusivity of the relationship that we have with Jesus. In a way, its like Jesus is so desirous of our love and our hearts that He doesn't want to share them with anything or anyone else. Of course, I'm speaking only as someone who is discerning, and not as an actual nun. However the feeling remains. When I pray before Jesus truly present in the Blessed Sacrament sometimes I have an almost tangible feeling of His presence, the result of which is a deep peace and joy. I've experienced this a few times, and it has really changed my life. Its like I feel God calling me to set up a cloister in my heart, where only He and I will live together. Its really challenging! As time goes by I feel this more and more, that Jesus wants my heart for Himself alone. I think that it is possible to have that exclusive relationship outside of the cloister, but it must be much more difficult. And there is a lot to give up family, friends and most of all ease of life. But our Lord promised that we would be repaid a hundredfold , and this gives one hope. I hope and pray that I will be able respond whole-heartedly to the Lord's will and that my vocation will be a fruitful one!
Saint Catherine of Siena, Pray for us!
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